I am thrilled to announce that I have procured a proofing box.
See, I have a long history in brick-baking.
It goes like this:
- I love bread.
- The rest of the family also love bread.
- I like baking.
- I have successfully baked all my life.
- I tried baking bread.
- I followed all the instructions.
- Half the time, I got bread. The other half I got bricks.
- I was sad.
After enough years of trying, a disturbing pattern emerged:
I usually got bread in the summer and bricks in the other seasons of the year.
Deduction: When the recipe says to let the dough rise in "a warm place", the authors never lived in Minnesota in the winter. Or Spring. Or Fall. Or in the Summer when it was cloudy.
Hypothesis: The "warm place" must be artificially created in order to avoid brick outcomes.
Several tests were conducted, including:
Test 1:
A hot lamp was used to illuminate the dough.
Test 2:
The dough was set in a room in which all the space heaters we owned were switched on and blasting.
Test 3:
The oven, preheated to the lowest temperature setting and then switched off and housing a large bowl of just-boiled water was used as an incubating chamber for the dough.
Test 4:
The microwave oven was used in place of the oven in Test 3, except that the bowl of water was boiled in the microwave to introduce steam and induce a humid environment.
Test 5:
The dough was incarcerated in the minivan out on the driveway in the hottest days of summer, a la greenhouse.
Test 6:
Again in the summer, the dough was placed in the direct sunshine on the deck, and moved every 15 minutes as the sun shifted and hid behind clouds. This Test was repeated in the winter, with even more abysmal results, by playing musical chairs (or - in this case- windows) with the slivers of sunlight slanting into the house.
Only Test 5 ever worked. And only on days when it was so blistering outdoors that people hid in their homes en masse to avoid skin cancer.
Mum, when whined to, said, "Maybe your yeast is lousy. Should I send you some from Singapore? I never have a problem getting dough to rise in Singapore."
Well, no surprise there. Singapore, after all, is like the inside of an active volcano most months of the year. Anything could rise there, even dead yeast.
At some point in my sad quest, it occurred to me that baking bread should not be harder than scientists trying to discover elementary particles by randomly splitting obscure heavy elements.
So, weary of throwing bricks into the trash after an entire day of chasing sunshine, I gave up. It is a losing battle to fight against the mighty winters of the midwest. And it is a wise -if cowardly -person to think otherwise. The residents of Minnesota, I decided, must either know magic, or buy all their bread ready-made from stores, or else all own bread machines. Nothing wrong with bread machines (and I came close to buying one in desperation), but I reasoned that as I have a perfectly good stand mixer and a perfectly good pair of hands, and enough time to carry out daft from-scratch experiments, there must be one critical variable in the baking equation that was missing.
Earlier this month, I discovered proofing boxes.
Why have I never known about proofing boxes?
Who has been keeping them a secret?
Today, I baked my first non-brick in years.
And postulated a new hypothesis: In a suitable incubating environment, the outcome of a bread baking experiment has a non-zero probability of success.
Before After
Observation:
the glorious sight of dough that has actually risen.
Outcome: We had potato bread for dinner tonight.
Not bricks.